A man in Phoenix called his son in New York the day before Christmas and told him, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?!" the son screamed.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father continued. "We're sick of each other . . . and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son quickly called his sister, who exploded on the phone, shouting, "Like hxxk they're getting divorced! I'll take care of this!"

She called Phoenix immediately, and screamed at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing! DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hung up.

With a slight grin on his face, the old man hung up his own phone and turned to his wife.

"Okay," he reported. "They're both coming for Christmas . . . and they're both paying their own way."

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James H. Dearmore