Some Funny Business Remarks From The Classroom |
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America. George: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? Class: George! ------- Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Willy: Me! ------- Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum? Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson. ------- Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day? Alfred: I get up early. ------- Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave? Student: Yes, sir. Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't? Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours. ------- Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty? Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ------- Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework. ------- Teacher: Why are you late? Webster: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did. ------- Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. Don: I hope you didn't either. ------- Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. ------- Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? Junior: Because of absence. Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test? Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was. ------- Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark? Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? Sylvia: Your name on this report card. ------- Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. Father: What's that? Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating. ------- Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? Jose: Don't bite any. ------- Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I." Ellen: I is... Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say "I am." Ellen: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ------- Teacher: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail. ------- Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you? Junior: You said it was my lunch money. ------- Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you have? Sasha: A new bike. ------- Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Vincent: One dollar. Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father. ------- Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have? Class Comedian: Big hands! ------- "Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"
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