Have mercy upon me, O Polls, according to thy ignorance: according
unto the multitude of thy investments in the stock market blot out my lapse of judgment.
Wash me thoroughly from my inappropriate behavior, and cleanse me from my private
problems. For I acknowledge my irrelevant course of action: and my possible impeachment
is ever before me.
Against Hillary and Chilsea only, have I misled, and done this withholding of information:
that I might be justified when thou thinketh, and be clear when thou judgest me in the
next CNN poll.
Behold, my circumstances caused my problems; and it is the fault of Ken Starr who conceived
this plot against me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part
I will show my ability to twist the English language.
Purge me with ignorant endorsements, and I shall be clean: wash this investigation from me,
and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; by putting an end to this seven-month public and wrongful
investigation that I may rejoice. Hide your face from the facts, and blot me not out of office.
Create for me a clean heart, O Polls; and renew a forgetful spirit for me. Cast me not away
from the Presidency; and take not political power from me. Restore unto me the joy of my
power; and uphold me with Hollywood and homosexual backings.
Then will I teach transgressors my ways; and other adulterers shall be converted unto my side.
Deliver me from Ken Starr, O Poll, thou god of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud
of thy passivity. O Nightly news, let me open my lips with contradiction; and my mouth shall
shew forth my praise.
For thou desirest not morality; else would I give it: thou delightest not in ethics. The
sacrifices of the American public are a Bull Stock Market: a defective and yet perjured
apologetic heart for getting caught, O Poll, thou wilt not despise.
Do me good in my good pleasure unto Washington: build thou the walls of protection for my
Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifice of morality and truth as a burnt offering
and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer honesty upon the altar of ignorance.