This is an unfair world. When I was a banker and wrote a dozen bad poems, no one thought much about it. But as a poet, just let me write one bad check and . . . .

My daughter is doing really well in accounting class at school. Now instead of asking us for her allowance, she just bills us for it.

I called for a pizza. They said they were running behind and would take about an hour and a half to deliver. Then I had an idea: would they send me a pizza to eat while I was waiting?

What goes "Snap, crackle and pop?" A firefly with a short circuit.

Sir, you have a pizza on your head. Hmm. I must have eaten my hat for lunch.

Doc, I have celery growing out of my ears. Aren't you surprised by that? I sure am. I planted radishes.

Great Guru, what should a man feel when he falls from the great precipice? Crestfallen.

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