I'm greedy. I want to live in a country where everyone does it my way. Enough about personal freedoms and the second amendment, you are too stupid to deserve them. I want the government to take charge of your lives completely and tell you what to do - - - all the time, in every circumstance.

I want this because I don't want to think. I want to wake up, go about my pathetic life without having to exercise my brain about anything other than MTV and Starbuck's coffee. And more importantly, I want the absolute power to hold you to my miserable standards.

Gun control means the end of crime as we know it. I am sure that all criminals, once hearing the gun confiscation call from the government, will turn in their weapons and become the decent citizens I know they really are. Killing, robbery, burglary, rape, car jacking and racial hatred will all become a thing of the past - - - instantly.

I want MTV to replace the nightly news. Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, and Peter Jennings aren't nearly as good at brainwashing ignoramuses like you as Snoop, Barbara, Liz, Arianna, John & Yoko, and the rest of the people in Hollywood who really care about us and want to help us.

I want to live in a country where a common citizen can be planted in the audience during a presidential debate and ask "how can you serve our needs", and then have every blathering jerkwater TV reporter go ooooo! aaaaah! at the sensitive answers the candidates give.

I want to live in a country where people who think like I do rule all things and where there is no other voice. I want to live where those that disagree with my point of view are ostracized by the government and the media in a grand chorus until everyone loathes and fears them, and wants them condemned as a hate group.

I want Jerry, Geraldo, Jenny, Ricki and Oprah to be our spiritual leaders. After all, the world has changed, so why shouldn't our spiritual beliefs. What's with all this fuss about morality. It should be left up to the individual to decide for themselves what morality is. (Assuming of course that it will naturally conform to my vision.)

I want to live in a world where every police officer is in charge of enforcing the law, morality, and public conduct, since they will be the only ones who have the guns. They will tell you right from wrong and you'll have to obey them. They only shoot bad people who have it coming and you don't want do be one, do you? (Of course if you're sleeping in your car and they wake you up then shoot you that's OK since it is an honest mistake on their part.)

Just pay your taxes, trudge to work, keep your head down and your mouth shut and everyone will get along fine. Just do it my way.