Selection of One Liners and Other Quick Smiles

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82

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Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

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One of the benefits of being over 50: There’s nothing left to learn the hard way!

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I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7

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Bumper Sticker for Ladies: PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

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Men and automobiles are much alike. Some are right at home on an uphill pull; others run smoothly only going down-grade, and when you hear one knocking all the time, it’s a sure sign there is something wrong under the hood.

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Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners!

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A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible mean?" That's easy, Daddy. It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.

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One reason why a dog is such a lovable creature is that his tail wags instead of his tongue!