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Things You'll NEVER Hear
A Southerner Say

Author Unknown

(Sent to us by Joe Waldrop)

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    We don't keep firearms in this house.
    Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
    You can't feed that to the dog.
    I thought Graceland was tacky.
    No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
    Wrasslin's fake.
    Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
    We're vegetarians.
    Do you think my hair is too big?
    I'll have grapefruit instead of a bowl of gravy.
    Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
    Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds.
    Deer heads detract from the decor.
    Spitting is such a nasty habit.
    I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
    Trim the fat off that steak.
    Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
    The tires on that truck are too big.
    I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
    I've got it all on a floppy disk.
    Unsweetened tea tastes better.
    Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
    My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
    Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
    Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
    Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
    I don't have a favorite college team.
    I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
    Elvis who?
    Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

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